Christmas is over yet my Aspen Spruce Christmas tree is still standing amidst all the chaos my family had under this roof. This year is the simpliest year to remember because the atmosphere seems to be more dramatic as ever and I spent more fortune, I guess, this year alone. Forgetting this year will not be a simple task too as my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. It was shocking on my part and I know my mom was always on a difficult situation. With only me and my mama helping out carry on the last remaining months of my father, it was not simple task to complete. It's like juggling a tin pin in a circus show. I open my mind and accepted that sooner he'll be gone. I know that day I'll remember everything he has done to me and his family. 2007 will be a journey of long sacrifice and more meaningful events. A time were we hope that the grass is greener on the other side and the wheel of fortune will shower us with luck and more blessing. I'm not asking a lot of impossible things nor promise a lot of things to change for the good. I'll do what I can and always be logical about things rather than being too emotional and too attached to a certain thing. That's one of my weakness you know.

Finally my mother and ill-father is back home from the hospital last night. I just stayed in bed, resting peacefully pretending as if I'm not aware of their late night arrival. My mobile phone kept ringing from bedside with it's flashing bright light indicating a caller whom it's number was unidentified. Then he sent an sms claiming that he was the agent from citibank who wanted a copy of my payslip. We met him days ago when Cedric wanted to have an credit card and we discuss over it at ila puti- a cozy and not so pricy restaurant in PIPC building. I constantly ignored the calls. I went back to my sleep. I was hungry and thirsty. This over all experience led me to a conclusion that being alone in the house and losing control of ones direction and focus will make you crazy. Tonnes of unwashed clothes, dirty socks, lousy jeans, dusty floors and scattered plates on sink makes me wanna hire a house maid. I'm such a lazy boy with no hands on inspiration to get household chores done.

ONce again, the world conspired after I arrive from my Davao vacation. You know me-as long as I'm on a plane I'm happy and as long as I'm on the beach or on the pool I'm perfectly alright. It all happen in that vacation. The conspiracy occur when my father was sent to the hospital for blood transfusion. My 13 month pay was used to fuel the hospital bills. I may be lucky of earning such huge amount but the luckiness was not for me. I'm maybe a materialistic person but when i see my closet and all there is are old shirts and jeans I think its a sign for me to go out in the wild and search. It was suppose to be used for my credit card bills. And for a new phone, dvd etc. And my life parades unwanted, avoidable sacrifices. True that i've worked hard enough and I've been fearless with the roads ahead of me but is damaging my memory card from my digicam was the prize. Not a single moment that I thought that today is the last day of my life because I've been patient and honest to all concern. I guess 2006 was not my year. Full of hidden misery and unshare pain. It was supposed to be Singapore2006 but my middle name was incorrectly spelled. I've got no passport. And from now on I will not call it Bangkok2007 or Hongkong2008 or Kuala Lumpur2009. Id rather think that Boracay is just a click away.

I just received my credit card bill and it seems that they are not charging me for any financial charges yet they taken away 28points out of my mileage account. Email war is the solution. I waited for it all night long together with my every noe and then observation of the stock market activity in NYC. I jogged this morning before lifting some weight. i find it very good since it burns a lot of fuel inside and I can lift for almost hours inside the gym sweating and feeling not-so tired. I had one of the best breakfast ever then I hopped to watched CNN and Oprah where she guest in a Desperate Housewife segment. I'm also very excited next week since I will be leaving for Davao for a short vacation with my friends. Don't ever think that we're going to Ron's wedding coz you're wrong. I think by tomorrow will be busy day since i need to go to the mall and pay our electric bills and i guess i need to buy that Aspen Spruce Christmas tree...

I'm worried about a lot of things. Especially those things that are unforseen. Sometimes it freaks me out you know. I'm wondering if I'm going to pass CSAT this month or not. I'm worried if i'm fit to travel this Dec 1 or not. I even have worries if i need to set up a christmas tree or not. Life is such a trick and part of it is to be worried at some things in life especially if you walk alone in the dark cold alley. I even worry about other people's perception of me that I had to cut my hair and put my shape in a neat way. This damn life. But I'm well. And i'm lovin my self you know.

What used to be my sleeping room became my mini-office. Here I'm allowed to drink coffee, dine, and I also transfered my PC here. The internet connection added some fancy stuffs too. Based on my observation this lay-out causes some kind of sleeping disturbance as if this is my first time to sleep here as my nap cuts off and wake me off every now and then. Just like yesterday and I feel like I didn't slept at all and by the time I was about to get up I felt so tired and week. Oh, it's 18 days to go before my Davao vacation. I'm excited to get on my 4th and 5th airbus ride this year with 5J. The 2nd flight I had was with a McDonnel Douglas which I think has a better leg room compared to the new one. Some say that the new Airbus has more delays in departure that the old ones. Well i love travel and being on a plane for a single hour is just a tiny part of the whole journey. i'm also looking forward to my Kawasan trip this Wednesday with my team and my gym schedule this Friday. And I hope that my csat is perfectly fine ultil the end of the month.

It's 6am in the morning and the skies looks unfriendly today. Yesterday, the skies we're all oranges and yellows as I stand in the 2 Mactan bridges during my early Thursday jog routine. Yes, I was also there to watch the early morning departures of PR and 5J and to anticipate their arrivals as well. Sometimes, standing there all by myself makes me feel so lonely but in the end I'll told my self that it's better that way. As I pinned my eyes to that Mactan island-i remember a lot of great memories which would always remind me how adventurous and happy was my life used to. I was hoping things didn't change but destiny challenge me. Before I used to think ahead of time and force to make me some decisions like what if you have 2 choices what would you do and most of the time I refuse to give an answer because I can't imagine those things happen into my life. I was scared but eventually it happened and no matter what, bottom line is my life has to go on. In silent I mourned, in my dreams, i reminiscent. In my daily routine, I struggled. In my life, I survived. Clearly I was in state of denial and also in a state of shock. I was left all alone feeling cold and rustic. Eventualy destiny will soon pull some strings and my moments will spin out of control. It recently did when I lost my 282usd checque from my stock options and my mother did not know. But honestly I gave up on it calling it a slight victory to HIM. From now He can take whatever he like. But I told Him this-YOU DID TAKE MY CHECQUE and gave it to somebody i didn't know and You won-BUT LEAVE MY MOTHER ALONE. Soon, it's Christmas and I don't know how will i tell my mama that the checques were in bad hands. I can't cry or scream for it. But certainly i have my options and unlike other people I DON'T GIVE UP.

Ever been on a tough situation and out of the blue something came in to surprise you? Well, as if failing the CSAT for consecutive months is not surprising enough. I was upset, mad and very frustrated. I can't imagine being in the PIP map for the next 3 months. But the out of the blue my payslip tells me that they gave me a MIP bonus. Whew. That was really a surprise for me. I can't paint a facial xpression. Imagine it cut my credit card charged up to 4 times to the original amount. Well that means that I don't have to wait for my cheque from SmithBarney as my earnings when I sold my stock options last September. Life is full of surprises but not today as today is set to become my rest day. Tomorrow i'll jog and spot some plane in the island of Mactan.

People just don't get in. Everybody is telling me that I'm losing weight and I need to cut my hair as if they're all telling me that I did not take good care of myself. Others even try to convince me by soliciting some opinions and advice from my other friends which I have no choice but to create an alibi or just flash a shy smiles. If they're not convince I just tell them that i'll cut my hair this weekend. But they just don't get it. PEOPLE=FASHION+LOOKS .... Typical people consider looks as the icing on the cake or the wrapper of the gift that needs to be given some special attention. Having a facial, foot spa, body scrub, manicure, pedicure, hairdo etc. just to ensure that things look clean and neat. But in this crazy world of overworkaholic I don't think this is necessary for me. I don't belong to the chain of people who ranks this stuffs as one of thier primary investments. With my recent financial crisis having a haircut is the least of my concern. Why should I have one when I can still live and do my job very well without it. If people feel offended with my hair then they should learn to get over with it. ME=HEALTH+PRIORITIES .... What is important to me is to be sure that I'm healthy inorder to fulfill my daily responsibilities in my house and in the office both short term and the long term. I know some people don't understood me well but I don't think that's my problem anymore. I'm trying to make things easier for myself and taking it one day at a time really helps. In that way I'm more focused in hitting my goal faster than the rest.

Tomorrow morning will be the start of my 2 days-off. Days run off so quickly and next week will be the start of November. Then followed by December and then 2007-the new year. I'm thinking that this will be a very busy 3 months in a row. November is for the primer. 1st week of December will be spent in Davao, final week with Christmas-i guess at work, last week of it will be for New year then January comes along then the sinulog Mardi Gras etc. Whew. I'll catch up fast and I'm trying to make things a whole lot easier for myself and have it stress-free. I SO LOVE MY SELF so I'll make it more worth it. And remember I'll treat myself after the financial crisis. My projection is Mid-December. Well I think I don't have to my more gifts for myself and forgive me if i'll wear the same clothes and jeans.